When I first thought about getting back to playing music I think I thought it would be just like when I used to play but it isn't because I'm listening now more than I ever did before.  Not for mistakes and not for whether or not I'm in tune but rather just listening to the sound what sounds good what sounds dissonant and playing around with the sound.  I don't practice in a conventional way anymore.  When I first started I would just to tones and pay attention to what it felt like to pick up the flute to touch the flute.  And then I moved into things like scales and arpeggios but I don't really do that much about any more now it's about just letting my fingers go with you want.  Experimenting with tonguing and slurring.  And sometimes when I play there is a run that sounds like something that I know because after all of these years there bits of melodies stuck in my head. So then I try to pick them out.  And there are a number of Jewish folk songs that have very simple melodies which doesn't mean that any of it is bad music but I'm discovering that playing it by ear is not so difficult.  And when I make a mistake or what someone might call mistake I just kind of go with it.
None of this is to say that I will be unhappy when I read music again – I'm able to do this writing  because I use Dragon NaturallySpeaking so I don't look at the keyboard and screen the way people normally do.  But I don't think I'll ever go back to just what I used to do.

I'm also really grateful that Joyce understands how important playing the flute is.  But I don't want to give it up in fact I refuse to give it up.  But I also refuse to do damage to my body because I play an instrument.  There should never be a price for making beautiful music no one should have to pay a price with their body.  I know that athletes do this all the time and I'm not an athlete so I don't quite understand that.  But I know that I need to be able to speak through my flute in a way that works for my body.