February 28th 2016 About my Feldenkrais Therapy....

February 28th 2016 About my Feldenkrais Therapy....

People hear about traditional vestibular rehab therapy - VRT - fairly frequently when there is discussion about non-surgical treatment.  Yo...

August 13th 2018 Finding my new normal...

I started listening to Year of No Clutter: a Memoir - I did not request it, but I'm glad I got it... I don't have a clutter problem, but I DO feel I need to sort thru what belongs to my life pre-illness.

When someone you love dies, there's a process you go through, and with my daughters going back to school, my older one for her last year, and me coming up on 7 years since I got sick, I need to DO something to help me process my loss... not a shutting out, or running away from how it all feels, but a memory trip, a goodbye, and integration of my previous life with what I'm moving towards... I was alive for 50 years before I got sick - that's a lot of living.

I'm moving more and more towards living in the present, trying to do things that are meaningful for me NOW... finding my new normal... I listened to an article about a woman who can't travel, who watches travel shows, and learns about whatever sparks her interest - I thought "what a great attitude!"... she does what she calls "simply special" things, totally at her own pace.

I'm much more functional on most days than I used to be, and I envision taking time off from vision therapy, and the PTSD Anxiety work I do, when my daughters are on break this coming Winter... see how I feel doing only Feldenkrais for a sort of maintenance.

Here are links to the article, as well as the book.

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August 8th, 2018 It ALL adds up, and my PTSD Anxiety's the key...

Here's a pic of my newest signs... doing these signs was a project for me, and I feel good about them... the first one is really about self-compassion, and the second one is my reminder that EVERY little step matters.

I realized that my thinking in terms of accomplishments needs adjusting. Big things are easy to notice - it was a big thing for me to go to the optimist club evening picnic, and cool that I could do it - a few months ago I'd never even have considered it.

Small things - like making these 2 signs - ALSO matter, and I need to notice them... even really small things - like dividing up a piece of paper, or sharpening several colored pencils, matters... it ALL adds up.

An FB friend of mine told me about a rare diagnosis that she finally received that gave her her life back, and I realized that for me, recognizing I have PTSD Anxiety, and working with a new therapist to slowly embrace it, is what *I* need to do.

Dealing with my PTSD Anxiety is hard - I know the goal is for it to become easier, more benign, but it's NOT easy right now... one of the elements - Worry exposure (see the link below) is really hard, uncomfortable, and anxiety provoking even done in small pieces... Cutting through my negative thinking, as I wrote about already, is also very challenging.

I have to put my trust in, and work with my therapist, just as I've done with Feldenkrais and vision therapy.  I've got to remember that my PTSD Anxiety is the key, for me, to making progress with those other therapies. One. Small. Step. at. a. Time... To improve my life as much as possible.
Photo credit - Ron

worry exposure -

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August 3rd, 2018 Not-so-small-for-me accomplishments

I told Christina that I didn't post the really small stuff, and she asked "why not?".

ALL the small stuff's the building blocks for slightly bigger stuff, etc.... I told her it feels like a tug of war inside me sometimes - my PTSD Anxiety vs a healthier me that's emerging, and she thought that was a great metaphor.... anyway, I'm going to try really hard -  working against my  ingrained negative thinking born of my PTSD - to come up with 3 good things each day...

There's actually more here - I'm catching up, and surprised myself... a couple are mainly a vestibular or visual challenge, most are a combo -

1) watched a music vid with some moving lights

2) made a phone call after coming home from CBT

3) tried on 2 blouses, decided to donate, then put my top back on
4) sometimes I read a one line email instead of listening to it
5) snipped 2 or 3 dead blooms off a houseplant

6) talked to my daughter while she paces back and forth

7) sat on a bed, put on my readers, and looked inside a jewelry box to find 2 pairs of broken earrings (Ron and Cara went to a jewelry store - they're now repaired)

8) crouched on the floor, and leaned against a bed to talk to my daughter

9) Edited some of this ON my blog (not cut and pasted)

Coming up with this list made me anxious, which I now understand is my PTSD Anxiety showing up, telling me to back off, stay stuck, comfortable.

CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is more than positive thinking, but positive thinking IS a key element. I want to retrain toward the positive, so I'm going to keep doing this.  I feel like I'm in surprisingly foreign territory, but I know I need to embrace my PTSD Anxiety, to move forward, improve the quality of my life.

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