With the writing that I'm doing now, I find myself wondering about writing about music.  The thing is when I play, part of the point of it is that I don't want to write, it's not about using words.  It's about expressing myself, using my musical voice instead of needing to find words.  Whether I'm playing to figure out a tune that I've remembered, sounding it out, or watching one of my pets and playing something that seems to me to match their mood or behavior, it's all about the music.  I don't want to get into the technicalities, or talk about whether or not I'm flat or sharp when I play.  The truth is, I don't really care.  As long as the tone sounds good to me, I don't worry about being off-pitch.  I think I play mostly on pitch because the dissonance would drive me nuts, but I'm just listening.   
If I'm trying to sound something out I get frustrated if I can't figure out my starting point, and then I wonder what key the music is in, but then I just play around some more....sometimes I find the notes and then I mix in stuff I'm just playing around with, because I don't want to get caught up in "getting it right."  I want to expand because I do sometimes get a bit bored, but I don't get bored very often.  I do, as I mentioned to Cara the other day, get "into the zone."  Those moments of feeling like the music is just there and I'm not working too hard.  It's just feeling really good to play, to express myself through music, even if I'm the only one really listening.  I wonder sometimes if whoever else is home feels what I'm feeling while I play, but I don't ask.  That's not the point. 
I guess I'm thinking about this partly because I used to play my flute before a service for the High Holidays.  I did that for two or three years.  I also sang in the choir.  My older daughter Leena is in the choir again this year.  As far as I know they don't have a new instrumentalist playing before the service.  I'll miss hearing Todd sing Kol Nidre this year - he's just so wonderful.  I wonder a bit what sort of public playing I'll do again, or if I'll play with another musician again.  I don't know the answer.  I do know that I'm grateful for the music I make, and I'm way ahead of where I was when I first started playing again.  And I will soak in the music that I hear at the morning service for Rosh Hashanah and later for Yom Kippur.