Being frustrated, sad, angry about
what happened to me is not just OK, it makes sense... but putting down roots in
anger, etc. isn't healthy.
So, I did this sign - a BIG sign,
with LOTS of colors, because I don't really want to say "OK, this is
enough..." it's tempting, because trying is hard, scary.
The PTSD Anxiety's not going to
disappear, but Christina gave this analogy -
my automatic response/thought now is
Anxiety hijacking my brain - "oh my God, something bad's gonna
happen!" just like when you call a big company & get the automated system.
My goal is to respond "OK,
yeah, there's Anxiety again, but I'm gonna keep going," get past
"hijack" mode, past the automated response, to talk to the live human
- to think, reframe my response.
I take everything I know about my
vision & vestibular disorders, & PTSD Anxiety, & say "OK,
what's something within my reach to try?"... I remind myself that when I'm
actually in a situation that requires accommodation, I generally figure it out
- do the best I can.
It takes time to make anything of
real value, of importance, to learn how to do something really well... I got
sick 7+ yrs ago, but counting ALL my diagnoses, & everything I need in
order to make progress, I've only been at this for a year... & I've only
been doing exposure as part of my CBT work with Christina for about 6 months...
so baby steps... keep going... keep trying.
