I chose this picture not just
because it's lovely - it's also winding, & there's lots of small steps... & balance
My CBT therapist, Christina, told me
that trauma changes your brain & I believe her. I also believe that your
brain tries to make sense of what's happening, & suspect that's what happened
to me the night I got sick.
I like having answers - I think most
people do - but I had no idea how long it would take me to get all of my
answers. The final piece was a little
over a year ago, when I realized I have PTSD anxiety - one of the changes to my
brain (the other 2 being vestibular migraine, & convergence insufficiency -
a vision disorder)... I was initially only diagnosed with benign paroxysmal
positional vertigo - BPPV - which was finally successfully treated about 10
months after I got sick.
Why do I share about all of this in
my blog? Why am I not private about it? While I don't share everything, I do
share a good deal, & here's why -
1) it's exhausting, draining to keep
secrets about what affects my life on a daily basis.
2) my writing helps me put the
pieces together, & hopefully helps someone else - I know how hungry *I* was
for info... I've shared Luis Carlos Montalvan's story on my FB page because it
was from listening to his book that I realized *I* had developed PTSD anxiety
as a result of my illness.
3) People talk about all sorts of
medical conditions - why not also be comfortable talking about mine? I'm realizing
more & more how my Anxiety impacts my perception, my thinking - I'm slowly
learning how to respond. If you want to know about one of my disorders, ask me
- if I'm not comfortable, or don't have an answer, I'll say so.
4) People need to respond with
compassion & kindness, empathy (putting oneself in someone else's shoes) to
those with invisible disorders/disabilities - & understanding hopefully
makes that a bit easier.
5) I give you snapshots of my
process, & a life worth living, with disabilities. I talk about my therapies - my neurological rehab - because they're a large part of my life.
