I'm going to call Orphans of the
Storm 1 more time, & see if, given my needs, testing things out there is
possible. I have to be prepared for disappointment.
I did a list today - not shown - re accommodations
for someplace I might volunteer... I also wrote down my interests/what I'm good
at... this was because Christina asked me if I was ruminating about this volunteering
thing.
Truth - After I did the list, & thought
some more, I realized "yup, ruminating.." & then I thought
"why?"
I realized ruminating is Anxiety's
way of saying "keep thinking about this - you'll come up with THE
answer!"
Truth - Nope, actually I'll just
drive myself crazy.
Truth - realization - I'm incredibly
frustrated with my limitations, something I don't generally let myself register. I want to be the old me who could jump into
volunteering where I wanted to... but that's no longer my reality.
I may not find something that takes
the place of what music was for me... when you lose something you love, you deal
with the loss, & figure out how to move on.
Truth - There IS no "The Answer"
- there's working in rehab where the effort has pay-off, there's acceptance,
& being able to say honestly to myself "I'm doing the best I
can."
