I can handle managing
our household now, which is a major achievement. Based on what I've learned about my invisible
disorders - both experientially and in Feldenkrais,
vision, and cognitive behavioral therapy - I need to think about how I use,
focus my effort.
I wrote a piece
"test-driving" - doing (Sept. 25, 2018) in which I said that therapy
is a means to an end, not an end in itself.
So the question for me is this -
My stamina is much
better than it used to be, but what if I wasn't using energy every week on all
3 therapies? What if I transition to maintenance - as opposed to weekly - treatment?
I know I want to continue
my various creative outlets - they're important to me. I'll continue to do
other activities, such as listening to audio books, movies, etc.
What about working on a
more ambitious writing project, maybe working with someone on this? I don't
know. What bite-size "out there" thing might I try? I don't know.
I chose many things in
my life, but getting sick wasn't one of them. When I put on my self-compassion hat, I say to
myself "no one is living in your body but you, & ultimately you have
to make choices that feel right for you."
I'd say "talk with
Ann & Dr. Margolis. Same goes for Joyce. Talk with Christina about what you want
to try, depending on what the game plan with Feldenkrais and vision therapy
looks like".
Lastly, I say to me
"do the best you can - what your life is, isn't what you'd imagined, so let yourself
feel frustrated, angry & sad when you need to... & do the best you can".
My life could be much
worse - I'm keenly aware of that, & I want to get as much out of my life as
I can. About that question of what I'd do instead, well, after I've talked it
through with my medical team, maybe it's time - this Fall - to find out.
