This is the calendar on
which I'm going to keep track of my homework.
I've noticed a pattern
when my PTSD Anxiety gets triggered - I either a) go into total avoidance mode
or b) go into impulsive, hyper problem solving mode.
On June 23rd, I went to
my congregations fundraiser performance of "you're being ridiculous"
& felt more overwhelmed than I had anticipated. On 6/27 I did something in
vision therapy that triggered a physiological fight or flight reaction.
On July 4th I went to
our local celebration with my daughters, joined by my husband, & we walked
around all the booths. I actually
carried on conversations with the two vendors we ultimately bought from.
I also took a look at
the small flower show. Overall, there was a fair amount of sound - music
playing, people talking, & even a siren from a fire truck (on an actual
call, not part of the parade that would start a bit later).
My reaction to the VT
exercise that was too challenging was "I'll never do that again!",
& to the "Ridiculous" show "OMG!". The show was in the evening, which is always
more challenging. I think I was a bit stressed when I got to the restaurant,
and although I kind of thought about it, I did not take a break during the
performance. The show ran long – at
least an hour and 45 minutes.
I've been listening to
Dr. Clark Elliott's book The Ghost in my Brain." Dr. Elliott suffered a concussion and did not
get proper treatment until eight years after this traumatic brain injury. I have a much better understanding of what
concussive's experience, but what's personally interesting to me is his
description of the treatment that he did.
I thought about Dr.
Elliott, & Sue Barry, (whose book, Fixing my Gaze, I've already listened to),
& thought about homework. My vision therapist Ann, and Dr. Margolis, have
both always said that what really makes for progress is home therapy. You have
to show up for yourself. So when something's difficult for me, I want to step
back & say "OK, now that you're done freaking out, what can you
do?"
Here's the stripes that
I work with –
Ann needs to re-calibrate
– which she talked about with me already – so that what I do in vision therapy
challenges me but doesn't overwhelm me.
And yes, I still need to pace myself when I go out for a special
event. And if I don't get it quite
right, I will survive – I did get through the show, & I DID enjoy some of
it. I wouldn't have even gone to it 6
months ago!
I think it's not
surprising that I reached out to Cheri Moore, auditory integration training
specialist, after the "Ridiculous" show. It may, in fact, turn out
that my developmental optometrist Dr. Margolis will recommend that I do AIT,
but he's in a better position to make this assessment than any online assessment
can do. And I need to recognize what happens when my PTSD Anxiety is triggered
– where my brain goes.
I need to learn from
what I do, & I need to do my homework.
I believe that with a good medical team, effort and hard work can pay
off. I did really well, actually, for the July 4 outing – I need to register
that along with the "oh my God" reactions.
Keep up the good work along with your incredible insights.
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