"Stamina" -
the ability to sustain prolonged physical or mental effort
"Endurance" -
from the root word "endure" - the fact or
power of enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without
giving way.
I decided to look up the
definitions of these two words - stamina and endurance - because I've been
thinking about them both.
Stamina to me is more
directly related to strength, as in building up my physical strength as well as
cognitive/mental strength.
Endurance is necessary
in order to keep going through a difficult process, in my case all of my neurological
rehabilitative therapies.
I've written before
about various goals I have for myself, such as travel, live theater, &
doing more outside my house.
Christina (CBT) told me
about Kristin Neff, who talks about self-compassion. Here's a link to a really
interesting short video of Neff talking, about Iraq soldiers, self-compassion & PTSD - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MGxmw7BgZE
I watched another,
longer vid as well, & was struck by the idea of treating myself as kindly
as I would a good friend.
I need to be my own
ally, as opposed to my own enemy.
I'd start by telling
myself that what happened to me was horrible - not just the night itself, back
in Sept. 2011, but that my life got completely upended. Telling myself this is
surprisingly powerful.
When I move through the
grief, anger, frustration, etc., I say to myself "wow, you're working hard
- good for you!"
Then I say "how can
I help?" & the first thing that comes to mind is "encourage
me" - isn't that a key in being my own ally, to encourage myself,
especially when I feel really challenged, even overwhelmed?
Then I ask "So what
do you think about all those things you want, those goals?"
"Well, thinking
about what I'd like to be able to do is overwhelming," to which I'd say to
me "remember, the key is baby steps - not great, big, giant leaps."
My invisible disorders
are not compartmentalized, but rather interconnected. If I think, for example, about
traveling somewhere by train, this would be systemic multi-tasking for me, multi-sensory.
Something that I'd need to repeat a number of times before I learned it neurologically,
just like I've needed to learn taxis.
The same is true for
anything new, & what I do in vision therapy, Feldenkrais, & cognitive
behavioral therapy all need to help me in this process of learning. Some new
things I try require some recovery time. There is frequently problem-solving
involved.
I don't know literally
and figuratively how far I can travel. I need to try things, & every time I
do something new - even if it's a very small thing - there is learning.
Getting back to self
compassion, while I'm trying, I need to tell myself "that was hard, so be
proud of yourself that you tried!"
and if I'm successful
"wow, look what I did!".
I need to remember how
far I've come -
There was a time when
going to my parents house down in Hyde Park (Chicago) was too much for me.
Going to our cousins in
Marengo, IL was too much for me.
Doing 2 things in one
day is sometimes possible for me.
Doing outings multiple
days in a row is sometimes possible for me.
Using a smart phone is
possible for me.
Using 3 different kinds
of glasses, one of which has prism as part of the prescription is possible for
me.
Managing our household
is now possible for me.
I've got a long list of
things I couldn't do before, that are now possible for me.
"So," I say to
myself, "you've come a long way, be proud of yourself!"
