I remember about 18 yrs ago calling
my then pcp because I was dizzy when I lay down. When I moved around I was
OK... he said it was an inner ear
infection, that it "happens all the time to people" & would go
away in a few days... he explained nothing about balance... whether he was
right, or I just got lucky, it did go away & I thought no more about it.
When I woke up to HORRIBLE vertigo in
Sept. of 2011, I had NO idea just how much I had to learn, not only about
balance, but about self advocacy. Self
advocacy isn't just asking for what I need, it's also doing my best to explain
to Dr. Margolis - or one of the other people I work with - what's going on with
me. Trying, figuring out what will help
my unique, neurological self to make progress. This whole experience has been,
as Dr. Mirsky, my psychiatrist, often says - a process.
Sometimes it's been quite a
struggle. I now understand that my
anxiety - rooted in PTSD from the night I got sick - tricked me into thinking
progress was impossible. Anxiety & depression
became my constant companions. Anxiety
& depression can be SO sneaky, creeping in almost imperceptibly, &
tricking your mind.... ugh... I sure as hell didn't CHOOSE anxiety & depression,
any more than I chose MAV or CI!
I wish I could have put the pieces together
sooner, but there was SO much to put
together, to understand. It's easy for me to forget just how much of a learning
curve I've been on - beating myself up for lost time isn't helpful. I know if someone else shared this story of
mine, if it were theirs instead, I'd say "it sounds like you've been doing
the best you can - give yourself a break...".
Yes "give yourself a
break"... & give yourself credit that you DID finally reach out for
help, & now you're working hard - pieces are still coming together, falling
into place. As Dr. Margolis said
"good stuff...".
