LFC campus dog walk - Yesterday
afternoon, after my CBG outing with Ron in the a.m., our daughter Cara called,
saying they needed the air mattress, and 2 sleeping bags... Ron said he'd bring
them, AND our dog - they'd walk Cosmo on campus! Staying home - missing out - was depressing,
so I went.
I was ANXIOUS, did a lot of
breathing in the car... Ron and I even ended up going briefly into the new
Lillard science Center... got 2 bonus hugs from my daughters, and when we got
home, I took a long break, but got through the evening, went to bed early.
My plan has to change - This morning,
Ron told me there was a political debate he wanted to attend in the afternoon
(without me, which was fine)... this meant finishing our grocery list, AND
putting everything away all in the morning.
Again, I felt anxiety - "this isn't what I'd planned, why hadn't he
told me, I have cooking I need to do, I had a BIG day yesterday, this is too
much!" - but I got through the morning.
On my own - My OT/Feldenkrais
practitioner is going to be out of town, so I'm seeing her on my regular Mon., and
then the following week on Thurs. The amount of time in between sessions isn't
a big deal, but she'll be out of the country.
My 1st thought was "what if I fall down, I'll be screwed...",
and then I remembered that a year ago last June, I HAD fallen while she was
gone... it was difficult, but I survived.
So what's my take-away from all of
this?
1) limiting screen time - that was
key for being able to DO on Sat.
2) When something comes up, my
anxiety tends to push me into catastrophizing mode, but my thinking/self-management
is starting to kick in after that.
3) focusing on the positive doesn't
mean shutting out everything else - that's not being human - it means pushing
through the uncomfortable stuff.
4) I tend to underestimate what I
can do - the anxiety of "Uh oh, something bad could happen" kicks in
- but I'm not avoiding as much now.
If I really let myself dream, what I
want is to make as few decisions/choices as possible about what I do/don't do, etc. based solely on my invisible disorders: vestibular, visual, AND Anxiety.
