Sometimes the challenges just kind
of appear, sometimes they are planned -
Challenge #1 - yesterday Ron ended
up coming back late from an errand, so I ended up walking Cosmo by myself! On a VT day in a less... I talked Cosmo, who was
a good boy :-) and what do you know, I did it!
Challenge #2 - we needed to have the
plumber come out, and between the high holidays, and a few other things, I
ended up having to deal with it on my own... We've had the same plumber for
years now and he's a very nice guy and knows our house well, as does his
assistant... I managed to find things to do while they were here, giving myself
breaks to pace myself... I took a quick look at the bill so I would know what
we were paying for, but I asked him to write the check out - he did this in
front of me.
I definitely felt anxious, but I
also feel good that I did both of these things.
Upcoming Challenges -
#1 - some cousins (Ron's side of the
family) are hosting Erev Rosh Hashanah at their house - in Marengo - this is
about 1 1/2 hours drive away... Since I got sick 7 years ago, I've literally
been to their house once, 4 years ago for Rosh Hashanah... Going there is
challenging because -
1) long drive there and back
2) in the evening
3) socializing is challenging for me
now, because of my vision and vestibular disorders, and I feel RUSTY
4) my restricted diet
5) getting to bed a bit later than
usual - even a 1/2 hour makes a difference for me, especially after doing
something special.
Challenge #4 - Rosh Hashanah morning
service the next day -
1) socializing - yeah, that again
2) LOTS of people - the din of lots of voices/people talking
3) LOTS of sound - the choir is
wonderful, but yeah, lots of sound - plus people, including the Rabbi, talking
into a mic
4) doing this THE DAY AFTER an
evening out!
This ALL definitely counts as worry
exposure for me - in fact, I thought about only e-mailing Christina, but
decided screw it - maybe this will help someone, if I post publicly... my PTSD
Anxiety is a real thing... it sucks, but it's there... AND I realized that
staying home because I'm scared seemed like a bad idea - the 2 Rosh Hashanah
events both definitely count as special gatherings I don't want to miss, and it
won't get any easier if I keep avoiding this stuff... in fact, I realized it's
only going to get harder.
*I* can decide how much I talk, vs listening
- listening is good... I ALSO realized that even though everything may not be
perfect, perfect isn't required... I'm worried about all kinds of symptoms
because of my vision and vestibular disorders, that I'll end up having a
set-back.... BUT, I can take breaks, and maybe, just maybe I'll feel GOOD about myself for having done
this... I'm thinking just going is a win for me... and I can rest afterwards...
So, I'm anxious, but I'm going to do this stuff.
