July 4, 2019 Enjoyed my morning, ready to keep moving

I enjoyed walking around, looking at booths for our Annual Deerfield Family Days with Ron & both my daughters :-) I handled the ...

September 2nd, 2018 My reality - what I know...




Sometime in the next 2 weeks is when, 7 years ago, I got sick, and my life changed completely.  That is the simple truth  - I don't believe I should deny.  Emotionally, I've been very up and down lately. 
My thinking -

Music - I know I'm not going to be part of the musical world again as I once was - being part of a band, teaching private flute lessons, or getting together for duets...

Sound - Going to concerts is difficult for me; I've realized that my tolerance for loud sounds is relatively low - it doesn't need to be what people would consider "noise" - when I listen to music I never listen as loudly as I suspect most people do, and though I do listen to audio-books I have to take breaks. Ditto for movies, which I watch in small chunks, in the afternoon.

Outlook - I believe I'm fundamentally a hopeful, optimistic person, but I'm ALSO fundamentally a pragmatic realist... In terms of my personality, pragmatism has always balanced out how intense I am.

Predictability - I wrote once a while back about needing predictability in my life, and what I've realized is that predictability is not just about my PTSD anxiety.  Because of my disorders, it takes more effort for me to process certain things than it used to - I put more effort into systemic multitasking than I used to... Predictability and control allow me to move through my day without quite so much effort, which allows me to have energy when I need it - for example, for writing this blog.

Technology - it's okay for me to use the audio feature of Google translate, and the Dragon NaturallySpeaking software program I have on my computer. It helps me to write this blog.

Doing & Rest - I'm trying to be productive, & still need a break in the early afternoon - otherwise getting through the rest of the day is extremely difficult... I also find I get very tired about an hour before dinner, so I need to take a lot of small breaks... Doing things in the evening is something I reserve for special things because it's a real challenge, and it's very difficult for me to be up past 10 PM.

"Done" - I've written about being scared and I still feel that... I told Ron that I wished that I had a "done" light that went on the same way that our dishwasher and washing machines do, but for me the "done" is facing the frustration and disappointment of discovering my limitations.

4 months - Knowing that my plan might change, because I have no idea how the next 4 months will unfold, I see myself continuing on my therapies, with a week off now and then from vision therapy (VT).

Future - When my daughters are home from college for winter break, I will take a break, review where I am at, and see what feels right for me for 2019.  I don't want to give up on myself, but I also know I can't do rehab indefinitely.  I want to become more comfortable with the idea - instead of feeling frightened by it - of what my life will look like without rehab.instead of feeling frightened




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