I started listening to Gabby
Giffords memoir, written mainly by her husband Mark Kelly... Seeing how Gabby's
mother Gloria cared for Gabby in the early weeks after the shooting, Mark says
that he saw how optimism is a form of therapy.
Here's a definition of optimism -
"hopefulness and confidence about the future or the
successful outcome of something."
Lately, I've been trying to find a
balance between being realistic, and also being hopeful and optimistic...
Christina (CBT/mental health therapist) sometimes plants the seed of an idea,
that gets me thinking...
Independence - I sometimes take out
the recycling or trash to the bins in our backyard.
I found a large laundry bag I can
use to get laundry down to the basement if Ron is not around to carry a basket.
Figuring things out - Sometimes this
means gaining understanding, which allows for better management... I think this
is of value, because my goal is to figure out what my life can be even with my
disorders... I don't think that can happen without understanding
Reading - this is a solitary
activity, and with the audio feature of Google translate, and audio material
from Audible, talking books, AND the fact that my husband Ron - who I'm going
to presume will be around for a long time - can read a lot of material that I
can't, improving my reading is no longer a top priority for me.
Interestingly, using voice
recognition to help me write this blog is in some ways a challenge - I'm
hearing my own voice more, and tracking words differently because of how they
appear on the screen, WITHOUT keyboarding.
Music - Private flute lessons - I
told Christina that giving private flute lessons is a dream I need to let go.
This makes me sad, and also makes me realize how very much letting go is a
process, a process that takes time.
I also realize that music wasn't
really one thing, for me it was a lot of pieces... So there may be a number of
pieces, new pieces that I need... Thinking about what I value, the first thing
that comes to mind is people - relationships - that's always been really
important to me... So how will that happen?
1) Phone calls, which includes new
member calls for Veda
2) somehow spending more time
face-to-face with people
3) figuring out things I can do with
my husband - one possibility - going to the Chicago botanic Gardens...
Creativity - I don't want to give up
the new creative means of expression I found with drawing, so I'll see where
that goes.
Previous keys to progress - Christina
commented that I'd improved so much since first getting sick, and I've been
thinking about what happened that spurred progress -
Feldenkrais
vision therapy
special glasses
meds
Self-confidence - Time, patience,
effort, perseverance, determination - I've always known I needed these... what
hit me is that the opposite of PTSD anxiety and self-doubt, is self-confidence.
So what will spur progress for me now? ME - the work I'm doing with Christina
to rebuild my confidence, so that optimism can work for me.
I'm going to talk about all of this with
Joyce (Feldenkrais), and Ann (vision therapy) - talk through where I want to
put my efforts over the next 4 months, before I take a break... and then see what feels right for me in 2019.
