https://visiblepersoninvisibleproblem.blogspot.com/2018/10/october-24th-2018-my-timeline-of.html

October 24th, 2018 My timeline of progress

I decided to do a timeline - an interesting cognitive exercise, as well as visual - Early Sept., 2011 - wake up to terrible VERTIGO ...

June 27th, 2018 On my journey, the one thing I know...


It's painful to remember... I miss the congregation choir... playing in a band... playing duets with friends... giving flute lessons... going to movies... family vacations... so many things I took for granted... Yes, I've learned not to take anything I have, that *I* feel is worth having, for granted...

My disorders have been thieves... PTSD is a thief - it wants to keep me STUCK... I want to know how far I can go... I want to know how much I can improve... what my stamina, endurance, energy level will be... will it eventually be more than it is now?  I don't know... no one does...

When I think about energy, and basic vestibular and vision skills, I often think about driving - a demanding, multi-sensory processing task... and I always come back to the same thought - "I don't want to get somewhere, and not be able to DO once I'm wherever "there" is..." I can't imagine having the capacity to do BOTH - driving safely and responsibly, AND doing... I remember once telling someone in the first month of my illness "well, I can't be driven everywhere..." - actually, yes, I can...  I'd rather be driven somewhere, and then be able to DO.

How far will my skills, my energy, my total capacity improve?? What can I do with drawing, my flute, my writing?? Is there something I haven't found out yet, that will be meaningful? 

I need to find out... trying is hard, anxiety provoking, effortful, sometimes exhausting...  some things won't work, but I remind myself that some things might, and that's good, and I have to find out. That's the ONE thing I DO know - that I have to find out. On my own timetable, with Christina's help. Otherwise, my migraine and vision disorders, and PTSD thieves are calling ALL the shots, and I can't let that happen.

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2 Responses to June 27th, 2018 On my journey, the one thing I know...

  1. Good Morning Tamar,
    Thank you for, your life story on dealing with Vestibular and Vision disorder. I can totally relate to your story! I am dealing with those symptoms on a daily basis. No one knows the struggles we deal with on a daily basis!! But, I am a Christian and, I have a strong relationship with my Lord! I now he will give me the strength and courage to deal with it one day at a time. God bless You!! Stay Strong! Stay Positive!!

    ReplyDelete

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