What I'm realizing is that in order to deal
with Anxiety/PTSD, I have to try... this means doing what feels like walking
right into the center of a storm... a storm of ALL my symptoms... it's like
saying "OK, Anxiety, come get me, give me your best shot..." because
trying stuff is the way to find out what my real parameters are... does it
work, or not? Sounds so simple... but
it's SO hard.
I don't believe I could do this on my own...
I believe anyone trying to deal with some of the really tough anxiety disorders
- OCD, PTSD, agoraphobia to name a few - on their own, won't work... I know *I*
need my psychiatrist, CBT therapist, AND meds... Dr. Mirsky says the meds are
like body armor... I feel like I need that.
I've realized how much ENERGY I put into
being on high alert ALL THE TIME, and how distorted my thinking can get... but
letting go is incredibly hard... I told Dr. Mirsky I wanted to be DONE
already... he said "I know... but you've been dealing with this for years
(meaning, since I got sick), so it's gonna take time..."
I want to own my progress, but I feel like if
I ease up a bit on my HIGH ALERT, and try something, then SOMETHING bad is
gonna happen... "hello Anxiety" - that's how it works - PTSD tries to
keep you STUCK - no risk, no PTSD Anxiety... over time, the idea is to make all
my vision and vestibular symptoms less loaded... more benign... Dr. Mirsky believes
I can do this... so does Christina... he says "you do too, THAT'S why
you're here... to get help..."
One. Little. Step. at. a. time.
Dear Tamar
ReplyDeleteKeep going! Don't give up. It is so encouraging. when i fonally let go or forget myself i may overdo it. So what!! Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. It is because the situation cchanges consistently...
We have to dare. I am with you!!!
ReplyDeletethanks for commenting... I'm feeling more positive these days