Being able to write more is a good thing, I
know, and I need to put this out there - maybe I'm not alone in feeling this -
I feel just plain bad sometimes - guilty -
about having limitations... to put it more basically, I feel bad that I got
sick - a chronic illness kind of sick... it's hard for me to admit this to myself...
if I wasn't dealing with my disorders, I wouldn't have to ask for the help I DO
need to ask for.
I can't drive, my normal activity level during a day or week
- though better than it used to be - is so much less than a healthy person... I
feel sometimes like I'm letting others down, making demands on them a healthy
me wouldn't have to... I hate having to remind others of my limitations.
I know Christina (my new therapist) always
says you have to try in order to know, but sometimes - particularly when it
hasn't been an ordinary day - I feel like I DO know... I know I've done enough
that one more thing isn't in the cards that day.
My vestibular/visual systems have to put in
extra effort, which can be tiring, even draining... I don't want to get into
brain fog/sensory overload territory... I often feel like I'm trying to find a
balance between remaining hopeful, but also being realistic.
I'm learning that living MY life to the
fullest has a different meaning now... so I need to forgive myself not just for
mistakes, but simply for getting sick... the truth is, bad things happen. Period... I didn't deserve this, nor is it my
fault - I make myself remember 2 phrases I've heard a lot lately -
1) do the best you can in this moment
2) keep going
