When I think about the
most important pieces to my neurological rehab, I think two things -
1) keep going - keep
putting one foot in front of the other.
2) don't get so caught
up in wherever you may end up, that you get no joy out of where you are.
Yes, you have to have the
correct diagnosis, and the right treatment plan. But none of that - not even the money to do
everything – really matters without the ability to stick to it, to keep on
getting back up, over and over again.
Getting sick flattened
my self-confidence. PTSD Anxiety took over.
My PTSD anxiety causes real physiological responses. My vertiginous migraine and convergence
insufficiency (eye teaming) disorders are also real. But so was & is the work I've been putting
in - me, myself & I - in my therapies.
Therapy of any kind only works if I bring
myself to the table. Over and over
again. Neurological rehab takes effort,
time, perseverance, patience. That's
really all up to me. Even with support –
which is certainly important – it still really comes down to me. That really is the essence of independence.
So here are some things I
want to remember -
1) to stay focused,
2) to use experiences to
learn from them - the bad ones, as well as the good ones,
3) that I can problem
solve,
4) to treat myself like
I would a best friend - with self-compassion, kindness
5) Building up a skill
set takes time - be patient with myself.
6) to notice when
anything - yes, anything! – gets even a
little bit easier
7) to not be afraid to
challenge myself - challenge but not overwhelm - I can do more than I think I
can.
8) to take the long view
- It took a long time to put together my medical team, but it was my tenacity
that made that happen. I have to learn lessons over & over, but that's how
learning is - I'm retraining my brain. I AM in a much better place than a year
ago, and I need to keep going.
About No. 6 - Paying
attention to the positive is surprisingly difficult to do. Paying attention so
you know when danger is coming makes sense, in order to survive. But it makes
sense that paying attention to - really noticing - positives in our lives is
equally important.
I write those words
because I feel like I'm always saying that I need to pay attention to the good
stuff, shout it to the world. But the DOING of that attention to the good is
something I consistently fall short on.
So, in an effort to try
again with this noticing of the good, here I go -
1) went to Container
Store with Cara
2) went to Bed Bath
& Beyond
for both of these
errands, we knew basically what we wanted, & I pushed the shopping cart at
Bed Bath. I also didn't try to take in ALL the visuals.
3) Washed 2 pots
4) Looked thru my Oprah
magazine - pictures, headings
5) Let Cara have a
sleepover at our house - 3 friends, they used our basement
6) Listened to my audio
book in a different part of house because of the sleepover, figured out I
needed to switch chairs - so I was flexible, but also problem solved when I
wasn't feeling grounded.
7) when Ron, Cara &
Leena were talking about travel plans for the end of Cara's semester abroad, I
caught myself, & didn't blame myself that I can't handle being part of this
trip - I didn't ask for my invisible disorders/limitations.
8) went to New Balance
with Cara
9) went to Walgreens,
AND the bank, with Cara - the bank was SO nice & quiet after the busy-ness,
noise, visuals of Walgreens.
And finally - Even if I
don't write down something positive, it still counts if I mentally notice
it. I think it's good to see things on
paper, but it's also important to simply think it. To say to myself "hey,
give yourself credit for that thing you just did!".
