As of March 1, I'll have been
working with Christina - CBT - for 1 year... I've tried a lot of things, and I
think I'm getting better at distinguishing my PTSD anxiety from my other
disorders - vestibular migraine/migraine associated vertigo, IBS (which ties
into my VM/MAV), & vision.
I've said that I don't want to make
choices, but the reality is that everyone has to make choices - that's a part
of life -& it's more a part of my life because of my disorders. For me, making choices can be really
complicated, & I don't like that - who would?
There are lots of reasons for doing
things - feeling connected to others, productive, etc. - but self-care can
never take a back seat in my life. Taking
care of myself is not being selfish, it's being smart, having self compassion...
It's really the springboard to all kinds of other things.
I'm still learning, but I've also been
on quite a learning curve ever since I got sick in September 2011, & I can
apply all of that to my current life. Which means that sometimes, I have to
make a choice that makes me feel a whole host of emotions. It's hard.
I still want to be open to trying,
but there are limits to what is reasonable for me to try. There are limits to what mixes with all of my
therapies. I'm also figuring out how
much home therapy my neurological self can handle. And I need to balance all of this out with
living, & self-care so that I am as able as is possible for me to be.
Ultimately, this is my story, my
life - & a lesson I have to remind myself of, is that comparing myself to
others, or thinking that others are judging me for my decisions/choices is
utterly unhelpful. I need to take all of
the information, & do the best I can - which won't be perfect, & that's
okay.
