Sunday always seems to turn into a
down day for me, so I decided in order to make sense of it, I'd write about it.
It's the day before you move into
the week ahead, & I guess I think about what constitutes my life... it's
still very rehab centered, & still more "home" centered, than
"out there."
I've had some disappointments - not
being able to find a volunteer opportunity that works for me.
It's hard living with the fact that
I don't know FOR SURE if I'll find something that does work, & I guess I
have to acknowledge that that's hard. It's hard to have a lot of disappointments.
My PTSD Anxiety still tells me
"focus on the negative" which spirals me into feeling bad, into
thinking about BIG stuff that's out of reach... & then it's hard to focus
on my accomplishments.
Ultimately, my therapies will become
support - maintenance, if you will - rather than the main events... that's what
doing something that's a means to an end is about. So, I have to try things in my therapies -
CBT, Feldenkrais, VT - to see how much more progress I can make.
My accomplishments, as I live a life
with disabilities, are different now.
But that doesn't make them any less real, or valuable. I know that's
true, even if I don't always feel it.
Opening myself up to the possibility
of more disappointments is difficult, but I have to do it in order to figure
out this new life of mine.
And I have to remind myself that
there's ALSO the possibility of success.
And what's important isn't so much that I'm still living a rehab
centered life, but what's happening in my rehab - which I'm so lucky to still be able to do! The answer to that question - what's happening? - is a
LOT. And that's good.
