To state the obvious, experiencing
vertigo doesn't make you feel safe. Because
of my recent setback, I've thought about the night I got sick. I think whenever
things don't go well, I think about that. I think the opposite of feeling safe
is feeling in control.
I've also thought about
the losses I've had. Having a chronic illness means, for many, some loss. I'm
no exception to that. Part of my loss has been a loss of connection, community.
Not just the musical activities in which I participated, but also being more
active with our congregation.
So how do I solve these
problems? I believe the control answer comes from showing up for my therapies,
and doing my brain retraining home therapy. Small bits really do matter. Baby
steps. And when I say baby steps, I really mean baby steps - I found a video
that does a pretty good job explaining the power of the tiny.
Here's a link - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHkOFs67d9A
So what do I do that I
care about? Continuing to shine a light on invisible disorders. I can do this
through my writing. I can also do this by calling new members monthly for the
vestibular disorders Association – Veda.
Many times I only leave
a message, but I always follow up with an email. Sometimes I receive a reply,
and occasionally I speak to someone. They are always very appreciative.
I don't know what else I
will find, if anything. I do know that the two things I just described – my
writing, and what I do for Veda – both matter.
Community can come from
a number of places. I have family, and I want to stay connected - that means
attending family gatherings whenever possible, and phone calls. I also need to
build on my phone calls to friends. Whenever I do connect with someone, it's a
positive for both of us.
I may not always get it
exactly right, when I do, when I try things. I'm not going to be able to
control everything all the time, which may result in a setback. But I need to keep
going. Remember that the keeping going is where I really build my strength. The
coming back after a setback.
Giving myself reminders
– concrete reminders of what has worked, what I've accomplished - is important.
So, even while dealing with this setback - for which recovery is not an exactly
straight line -
here's a list of what I've done -
Went to a BIG furniture
store with Ron and Leena to order new dining room chairs.
Did some texting with my
daughters.
Went to a morning Yom
Kippur service.
Walked the dog by myself.
With a shorter hair cut,
I'm going for haircuts every 4 weeks.
Writing and editing this
piece, in small bits.
Showed up for vision
therapy. Ann said she didn't think I'd regressed from my setback, which was encouraging.
Trying out a new step in syntonics - using a special green filter at home. Here's a picture.
Started up vision
therapy brain retraining at home again. A little bit, to get back on track.
Picked out the first
part of the song do re mi from the sound of music, on our piano keyboard.
Taking breaks – even a
minute or two makes a difference, just like the baby steps of doing makes a
difference. My breaks are a time to really focus on doing good breathing.
Do something each day
that matters, that I care about, that makes me feel connected. It doesn't have
to be big. Tiny can be powerful.
