I realized I'm minimizing how
important it is that my eyes are now converging - my negative thinking still
kicks in... it's frustrating that building endurance is a process - not
something I think I'd really thought about, and yet it makes sense - learning a
new skill is important, but building endurance so I can pull it out of my tool
bag whenever I need it is also really important.
Which brings me to anniversaries
again - reviewing my situation as May approaches make sense. But thinking "well, I've been at this for
so long, isn't it enough?" isn't what
I should be asking. I said multiple
times that my journey has not been linear - kind of the opposite actually.
So the questions to ask are-
1) what's happening now?
I'm doing well, making progress - I
still hit bumps, not every day is wonderful, but overall, I'm learning,
growing, changing.
2) is making more progress a reasonable possibility? Yes
3) do I want to make more progress? this last Q may seem odd, but in my post
1-6-19 "neurological change, it IS possible" - lists some things required in order for progress to happen.
If I'm being honest with myself, I
want more than I have right now - I don't think that's my PTSD anxiety being
demanding, I think it's how I feel. I wrote recently about what success looks
like for me, & the one piece I still don't have is regular activities
"out there," meaning not at home. I don't know what's possible, but I
feel like I need to try - that means more rehab, & all that that involves.
I'm incredibly fortunate that all
these years in, doing more rehab is still possible for me, due to all the
support I get. I wish everyone had this,
but that doesn't mean I should feel guilty that I Do have that opportunity - it
DOES mean that I should make the most of it...
Take advantage of doing with my
daughters, husband, etc when I can, give myself breaks - everyone needs time
off from work, right? - but I need to keep going. I have to do what works for my neurological
self, but I have to do the work. I don't think I'm quite ready to accept that
where I'm at is where I have to stay.
Symphony is when sympathetic and parasympathetic
are integrated... 75% means not expecting 100% - perfection
A hopeful post. Who knows what's in your future ...
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