September 9, 2021 - One decade... be present.

It’s been a decade since I got sick. I didn’t know then, that night, that my life was dramatically changed. I’ve done therapies, and they’ve...

December 9th 2015 I always come back to music....

NOTE: Please copy and paste into Google Translate to listen if needed.

Music, as anyone who's been reading my blog knows, really matters to me.  You also know that my rehab plays a large role in my life.  Rehab, for me, needs to be about more than moving more easily through my day.  That's why, I realized, I'm glad that I have a big goal to work towards - doing what I choose to with my flute.  I thought recently about possible goals I'd want to try to achieve, and all of them involve something that's a major challenge; doing more with my writing, possibly speaking publicly someday about some of what I write about, teaching flute again, or maybe something I haven't even thought of yet. 

I'm comfortable for now with what I'm doing with my writing, and the other possibilities are a bit fuzzy.  But playing my flute more, and teaching flute are crystal clear; I want these.  I want to pick up my flute, take out whatever sheet music I want, and play.  I still have a music stand out, with some music books on it - I've never been able to bring myself to put any of it away.  Rather than taunting me, I've decided now that that's a good thing.  I don't want to avoid sheet music out of fear or anxiety about what will happen, so my music stand will be my motivation.  And I want to welcome a student into my home, and see their eyes light up with excitement when they produce music. 

I have a decent singing voice - I can carry a tune - but I used to wish I had a better voice.  I think that's one reason I love the flute.  And when James Galway came on the scene, that helped.  He's an incredible flutist, but also makes his music accessible because he's fun, and has always performed a mixture of music, which I really like.  I also discovered that I'm able to make my flute sing; I can play the vocal line of a song, while I hear the song in my head.  I love the bell-like sound of the flute in the higher register, and the warm, resonant sound in the low tones.  So my love of the flute was born.

I developed hand problems before I got sick in September 2011 - I wrote about this in my piece "When my challenges really began...".  I ended up not being able to play my flute for about a year - that was a long year without music.  Of course I listened to music, but not being able to make music was awful.  I don't know how many of my readers have something in their lives that is like music is for me.  I think of the quote I've seen "music is the sound that feelings make," but it's more even than that.  I love that music is a universal language; it speaks to everyone, touches everyone, connects people and can break down barriers.  And yet it can also be very personal, something just for me - or whoever is filling a room somewhere with music.

I'm been rethinking how I approach this goal; what pieces, what skills I need.  Acquiring the skills is the issue - there's not much difference between reading one page of sheet music vs. three.  That's a question of stamina.  A lot of what I need are skills I'm already working on - spatial (VOR), eye gaze switching, multi-tasking - but I need to break them down a bit more.  I am now working on exercises that help me to do that, and then help me to build those skills.  That's the job of Joyce and Ann and Dr. Margolis, with input from me.

I hope that everyone can find something to be passionate about.  Again,  having something of my own, that I care deeply about, to work towards is a good thing - I can use it to motivate and energize myself.  If I didn't have something, I think it would make rehab harder, more arduous.  Not that working towards more ordinary tasks is bad - it's not.  Playing my flute more, and hopefully teaching again someday are NOT the only things worth working towards in my life.  But since my rehab is clearly a very long term deal, having a goal that pushes me beyond the regular tasks feels like a good thing.  And it really is true that journeys start with a single step; for me every effort I make, all the FT and VT exercises that build on each other, every time I notice something different, all of this that helps me work on something is a step, even if it's a very small one.  It's like every single thing I work on, every note I produce is getting woven into an ongoing song. 

NOTE: Looking back five years - how long ago I made my last recording -  I like some of my YouTube videos better than others, but I thought I'd share a link here.  Have a listen if you'd like - let know what you like :-)



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2 Responses to December 9th 2015 I always come back to music....

  1. I had no idea how talented you are, I love the flute and your fantastic at it. I am so happy you are still able to play and enjoy your passion. You are very talented.

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    1. Oh my goodness Kelly - thank you so much! I'm grateful my illness actually only made my hearing more sensitive, rather than hearing loss, tho I'd be first in line for hearing aids LOL... I hope everyone has a passion, but yeah, flute's amazing for me... :-)

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