NOTE: Please cut and paste into Google Translate to listen if needed.
I wrote about my goal of teaching
flute again. Having a major goal is a
good thing, but big, long-term goals by definition take a lot of time and
effort, and a recent conversation made me think about taking a look at what I
can do RIGHT NOW. Thinking about what I
can do now got me thinking about a post I'd written back in December of 2014
- my "I can do it" list -
here's a link to that post if you'd like to read it -
http://visiblepersoninvisibleproblem.blogspot.com/2014/12/december-28th-2014-attitude-and-what-i.html
Some of the items have changed
less than others, but it also depends on what I've been trying to change....
for example, I haven't been trying to change how much housework I can do. What I can do feels like enough, and doing
more chores would add nothing to the quality of my life. Since limitations are a given for a person - me - living with invisible disorders,
quality of life is very important.
So what can I add to my list?
It's worth noting that I decided NOT to write down what about any of these
tasks/activities is still difficult for me, what I'm still working on. The point of this list is to remind myself of
what I CAN do.
1) I am using my reading glasses more when I use my
computer.
2) I am practicing using my sunglasses; moving from
inside my house, to the front stoop, down the steps, looking at flowers, and
going in reverse to get back INTO the house.
3) I have walked our dog by
myself - this isn't something I do frequently, but the fact that I am able to
is important.
4) I am using my reading glasses
to read simple sheet music - clearly this is a big step for me, and one of the
reasons that I now have resuming flute teaching as an eventual goal.
5) I am able to do Feldenkrais
Therapy - FT - exercises on my own - this is another big gain for me.... I
definitely still need FT sessions with Joyce, but there is some maintenance I
can do for myself now.
6) I am able to do Vision Therapy
- VT - exercises on my own - this again, is a big gain for me.... my brain/body
tolerates more retraining than before, and I can make more progress because Ann
can give me exercises titrated for me to do at home.
7) I am able to do new exercises
more frequently in FT and VT sessions - this is a good sign because it shows me
that my vestibular, vision - and really my whole sensory system - can handle new stimuli better.
8) I still need to take a break
in the early afternoon - particularly on VT and FT days - but my breaks are
shorter.... this means my stamina/endurance is getting better.
9) Speaking of stamina, I still
need to be careful not to overload my schedule, but for a variety of reasons
I've had to do more the last two months or so - and I've been able to do
this. I get very tired, and definitely
crash at the end of the day, but it still as a gain for me!
10) I can sit with my eyes closed
for a short period of time - keeping your balance without involving vision is
actually a complex task that many take for granted, and it's a big deal that I
can do this now.
11) I felt I could set a major
goal for myself - the fact that I could wrap my head around that idea to me is
really important.
When I first looked at my
December list, I thought "hmmm, so I'm still doing that, still doing
this...OK, so where's the progress?" and I had to think a bit. And then I discovered that I could come up
with some things, even though I had to think about it. My point is that we need to take that time to
think about if ANYTHING is better.
I also want to share some things
I've learned regarding improvement that I think are important to remember:
1) Comparing progress over a
period of a few weeks, is not (in my opinion) a great idea when doing something
like brain retraining - you don't want to feel like you're not accomplishing
much. Compare over a reasonable amount
of time - otherwise you're just not being fair to yourself.
2) Try not to compare yourself to
others, especially those who appear to be doing better, or have an easier
situation than you. Everyone's
circumstances are different; if you don't know someone well, you probably don't
know the full story, and everyone has a unique twist - try to focus on
yourself.
3) Compare yourself to yourself
once you got sick, NOT before .... the idea is to see what progress you've made
and thinking about what life was like before you got sick is likely not
helpful... it certainly isn't for me.
4) This is really important -
remember that BETTER doesn't mean perfect, or that problems are all gone - it
means IMPROVED. That's OK - improving a
situation is a very good thing.
5) Getting better - improving -
does not happen in a straight line. It
would be so wonderful if that were true, but I think it's rare that that
happens, if at all. I have bad days,
whether I'm tired, or stressed, or whatever.
Sometimes when I do an activity or do a new VT or FT exercise, I really
feel it. I remind myself that this
doesn't mean I'm in trouble the way I was when I got sick in the first
place. It doesn't mean I'm suddenly on a
downward slide, headed in some way for disaster. It DOES mean that my getting better -
improving - isn't an evenly slanting upward slope.
6) Last but not least - it's
important with all the effort I have to put out, to do a little something every
day that gives me sustenance, with as little work as possible. Whether that's enjoying some pretty flowers
for a few minutes, or snuggling our cat or dog, or something else. I need to "fill my tank" with
something that's very low on the effort scale.
So I do the best I can, and keep going. And I remind myself to give myself credit for
what I can do, and each of my gains.
