Nine years ago this month, I got
sick. I don't like to talk in any great detail about the night I got sick,
because my PTSD can still manifest itself. I wake up in a state of high
anxiety. The good news is that nights are better now, which is also because of
the help of medication.
Doing vision therapy and
Feldenkrais both helped me tremendously. I am currently not doing either one
due to the pandemic. I no longer have the diagnosis of convergence
insufficiency, but I definitely still have a vision disorder. I believe Dr.
Margolis, the developmental optometrist I've worked with, calls it visual motor
sensitivity. Two limitations I like to tell people because they are so easy to
relate to, are that I don't drive, and my reading
is still limited.
I follow a migraine diet very
strictly, because I have a lot of migraine food triggers. Following my diet
allows me to avoid a great deal of brain fog. I still have to pace myself,
which is frustrating, but my body tells me quite clearly when I am overdoing
it. I remind myself that I want to try to avoid a full-blown setback. Setbacks
are not fun.
I try really hard not to focus on
all of the losses I have had. I have done grieving, but there comes a point
when tears of sadness, frustration and anger are no longer helpful. This is not
to say that I shut down, but even with losses, life does go on. I am well aware
that my life could be significantly worse. Particularly in this era of Covid
19, I remind myself that I still have much to be grateful for.
I don't know what my future
holds, if I will go back to doing any therapy, beyond the once a month touch base
sessions I have with my cognitive behavioral therapist. There is just so much
uncertainty. So I'm doing the best I can to keep going, do what I can, one day
at a time. Sometimes in order to focus myself, I think about what I want, even
just a month from now, to look back on. And yes, take it one day at a time. Do
the best I can, notice anything positive, especially when it's hard. Because
that's when it matters most.
