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With one daughter in college, and my younger one going
next Fall, it's hard to express how much I wish my progress wasn't so gradual,
so slow. If I could go faster, I'd have
a better sense of where I'd be in the Fall, and that my life would be more
full. But what I do now, one day at a
time, is all I know and have control over.
In light of that, I've thought about some words, concepts, and what they
really mean to me. Here's a handful that
are simple, but important nuggets, that I find as time goes on I try to hold on
to.
Never give up... ever...
Saying these words is easy, sometimes living them is
not. Giving up is really the same thing
to me as giving in, saying "OK, I'm done." It's saying "I've had enough, I
quit." There are times when I feel
that way. I'm just tired to death of how
hard it is, how frustrating, slow, etc. But staying put with what I'm dealing
with feels worse, so I can't give up.
It's that simple. I've talked a
lot about taking one day at a time, and I DO believe in trying to do that. But taking one day at a time doesn't preclude
trying to keep some forward motion.
Never stop trying...
This ties into never giving up, but to me is taking it to
the next level. If I'm never going to
give up, that means I have to keep trying.
No matter how hard it is, I have to keep trying. No matter how many re-dos or "let's try
that again" times there are. Trying is about effort.
Effort - that's the next thing...
Effort matters.
Always. Even if I feel like
something took a lot more work than I would like, if I can say "well, I
did it, so I get an "A" for effort," that counts for a lot. I hate when I feel depleted from something I
did, but the point is that I put out the effort. There ARE times when I decide that the work,
the effort involved in doing something would be too much. Sometimes there are just too many pieces to
figure out, so then I have to concentrate on where I AM putting out effort.
Figure it out...
I've thought about this a lot. If there's something I really, really want to
be able to do - teaching flute comes to mind - then the question becomes
"how?". If something didn't
work before, or isn't working now, how can I break it down enough so that it
will eventually work? I need to figure
that out, no matter how basic a level it may be.
Baby steps...
My friend Michele replied to a pm of mine recently with
those words, and it was a good reminder.
Baby steps matter. There are
small things I've had to reintegrate - and some I'm still working on - and
those baby steps are crucial building blocks.
Don't take anything for granted...
Sometimes when I'm in the kitchen, or doing laundry or
some other ordinary task, I have to remember that it's good that I can do it.
When it comes to pacing, it's all relative...
The piece I wrote back in September about pacing has been
read more than any other. When I spoke recently
to Dr. Margolis (my doctor who supervises my VT), he said he hears about this a
lot, regardless of the age of the patient.
And that it's very individual. It's
hard to express in words how much I wish, at times, that my pacing was what I
guess I'd call in the "normal, healthy" range. But it's not.
There are still moments when the "abnormal" of it hits me -
when I take a break at home, and my daughter or husband keep going about their
business. I've come to realize I have to
just let those moments be. But then I try
to remind myself "OK, everyone has to pace themselves to a degree."
Give myself credit....
Along the lines of "it's all relative," I need
to give myself credit for what I do accomplish.
Step outside myself and say "hey, look at what you DID
do." I have a feeling I'm not alone
in being too self-critical. If what once
was easy no longer is, then I've got to give myself credit where I can. Period.
