I've been thinking about cats and dogs lately. Specifically watching my cat and dog. I have no hope of being like a dog - so
completely in the moment - but what about a cat?
Cats are in the moment as well. Maisy - my cat - likes her night time snack
of canned food; she waits for it, trots down the hall and happily eats. At that moment, that's where her mind
is. Or she basks in a sunny spot, then
licks a paw, spends some time chasing imaginary who-knows-what, and goes back
to napping. But she's also contemplative
- she's a character, but also has her thoughtful, cat-like moments. "Hmmm, should I jump on her lap for an
ear/head rub?" She needs to be in
the mood for a good ear rub - which she LOVES - or has no interest whatsoever
in attention.
So what about me? I am contemplative as well, but I'm
definitely a "doer."
Work - I haven't ruled out teaching (very part-time)
flute lessons at some point. But paid
employment is not in my future, beyond that.
Social/political activist - To go just a bit political
for a moment, I didn't vote for our current president - which was NOT simply
due to partisan reasons - but I'm not going to go the social/political activist
route. No protests, marches, e-mailing,
phone calling, attending Town Hall meetings - nope. I need to leave that to my more able bodied
friends.
Possible public speaking re health issues - perhaps
someday, but there would be a lot of challenges for me, so definitely not now.
Music - I'd love to play with other musicians. Hopefully someday, but realistically not any
time soon.
Health activist - I write my blog - obviously - but wish
I could do more. I don't make videos
(though hopefully will post another flute recording eventually), but rather
rely on what's available on YT. I post
the WHO petition occasionally, which is something, but again wish I could do
more. I'm hoping to help VEDA with the
Dizzy Dash project - we'll see how that goes.
So honestly, this leaves me frustrated. And I think of two things -
Social - I'm a fairly social creature. I like, and have always needed downtime, but
I also need people time. This is much
trickier now than it used to be, due to my limitations.
Thinking time - yes, I need thinking time. I like having time to think. Even when I was healthy, I didn't like
running around busy from one minute to the next. It's important for me to have time to figure
out what's difficult or challenging about participating on FB, or writing my
blog posts, or doing a household
chore. But thinking, and thinking some
more stops being helpful. I have more than enough time now.
I always try to problem solve, so...
Meditating - I said, I've been thinking about Maisy. That
maybe I need to try to learn to, at least figuratively, bask in a sunny spot
and NOT think. Just exist, just be. Since I'm NOT a cat, meditating might be the
way to go. I know there's a lot of
research indicating the benefits of meditating.
I've been told that the key is to bring yourself back after your mind
has wandered - that bringing back part, discipline of mindfulness - is what
meditating is about.
Taking pleasure in small things, moments. I'm not as good as I'd like to be at taking
pleasure in really small stuff. But
maybe I need to get better at that. And
take my small moments of happiness, or at the very least feeling good, instead
of how I wish things were.
What I AM able to get done is good enough, for me. I need to reconcile myself to not getting as
much done. Certainly not the way others
- and I - USED to think about getting things done. Adjust my expectations to recognize that what
I've done during a day counts, for me. I
realized only recently that deep inside, I think I still measure myself by that
"what did you get done today" yardstick. This is really unfair to myself, given my
vestibular and vision disorders.
For me, being more like a cat - thoughtful, but also in
the moment - isn't so easy, but I think I might be more at peace.
