I realized something - the fact that
I've recovered as much as I have is wonderful & remarkable... I'm not
miraculously cured, but I'm so much better than I used to be.
I still think about the mistakes
along the way, and find myself wishing I'd gotten to where I am now, sooner...
but I didn't stay stuck - which is what really counts.
I also know just how fortunate I am
to have been able - & continue to be able to do my therapies. This has
given me time to process, to grieve, to reassess, to readjust - this is the
human experience of rehab.
My medical team benefits from this
as well - getting to know me, learning what works for me. I often wish I knew
what to expect, because my PTSD still looks over my shoulder, expecting
something bad... yet I looked at My Timeline of Progress (10/24/18), & I
see that I can update it, adding that I now have prescription sunglasses, &
prism as part of my prescription for my reading glasses.
I didn't add this to my timeline,
& I don't write about Feldenkrais much, but finding Feldenkrais was my
first step towards recovery, & I learn from it all the time... this past
week Joyce told me that she thought I was finally ready to handle more direct
work with my eyes - pretty cool!
I'm still waiting for a definitive
finish line, but the reality is that unlike an actual race, there seldom ARE
definitive finish lines. More often,
there are transitions, & changes. I want to keep improving - growing &
learning, but I also want to notice what's happening right now.
So, I made myself stop, think about
this past week - here's what I came up with -
1) handling quick phone calls from
Ron, even as I did some things on my computer.
2) handling a few texts while being
on my computer.
3) transitioning into an activity
when I get home from walking Cosmo.
4) handling some schedule changes on
a couple of days this week
5) Sorting thru some medical files -
that was interesting
6) being aware of my movements in
new ways when I do my Feldenkrais home therapy.
7) Noticing my visual horizon,
particularly when I play my flute, or the piano.
