September 9, 2021 - One decade... be present.

It’s been a decade since I got sick. I didn’t know then, that night, that my life was dramatically changed. I’ve done therapies, and they’ve...

November 16th, 2018 My depression & anxiety - recognition, progress


above, a verbal collage of activities I've tried, & I fill my time with now, not including my 3 therapies, which will eventually be support/maintenance.

Looking back, I see my neurological rehab (Feldenkrais, vision therapy) in 3 chunks -

1) after I got my convergence insufficiency Dx in 5/13- this was a good period

2) at some point, progress slowed, faced major disappointment re flute playing & sheet music, my daughters both in college... anxiety & depression grew -Depression is like a slow fog descending, clouding... anxiety makes me stuck.
  
3) fall of 2017, realized I needed help, started working with my psychiatrist Dr. Mirsky 11/17, finally recognized severity of depression and anxiety, then 3/18 started cognitive behavioral therapy -CBT - with Christina

April 2018 - ready for special glasses - huge step.

Nov. 2018, realize how long a process it is - with help of meds & therapy - to come out of depression, & feel like I'm starting to manage anxiety...

More days when I feel better simply about getting out of bed to start my day... With Ron's help, I buy new clothing, care once again what I wear, how I look... once again, making progress with rehab.

I realize I need to push myself out of the habits my anxiety & depression created.

Christina always has said I'm not going to change my automatic thoughts, it's my response that can change -

catastrophizing - i.e. "the taxi won't come, won't see me & will leave" becomes problem solving - "I have some control, I can call the taxi"

"I can't do this" becomes "I can try" -
Christina also says worry exposure - different for everyone - works when done gradually, so there's real possibility of success... start with challenge that's a 2 or 3, rather than a 10.

Not every part of every problem is fixable   try to distinguish between the two, & focus on what is fixable. Allow emotions, always.  And keep going. Be kind, gentle with myself - this process takes time... be very grateful for support.

NOTE - if you  - or someone you care about - are in trouble, seek help.





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