Looking back, I see my neurological rehab (Feldenkrais, vision therapy) in 3 chunks -
1) after I got my convergence
insufficiency Dx in 5/13- this was a good period
2) at some point, progress slowed,
faced major disappointment re flute playing & sheet music, my daughters both
in college... anxiety & depression grew -Depression is like a slow fog descending,
clouding... anxiety makes me stuck.
3) fall of 2017, realized I needed
help, started working with my psychiatrist Dr. Mirsky 11/17, finally recognized
severity of depression and anxiety, then 3/18 started cognitive behavioral
therapy -CBT - with Christina
April 2018 - ready for special
glasses - huge step.
Nov. 2018, realize how long a
process it is - with help of meds & therapy - to come out of depression,
& feel like I'm starting to manage anxiety...
More days when I feel better simply
about getting out of bed to start my day... With Ron's help, I buy new
clothing, care once again what I wear, how I look... once again, making
progress with rehab.
I realize I need to push myself out
of the habits my anxiety & depression created.
Christina always has said I'm not
going to change my automatic thoughts, it's my response that can change -
catastrophizing - i.e. "the
taxi won't come, won't see me & will leave" becomes problem solving - "I
have some control, I can call the taxi"
"I can't do this" becomes
"I can try" -
Christina also says worry exposure -
different for everyone - works when done gradually, so there's real possibility
of success... start with challenge that's a 2 or 3, rather than a 10.
Not every part of every problem is
fixable try to distinguish between the
two, & focus on what is fixable. Allow emotions, always. And keep going. Be kind, gentle with myself -
this process takes time... be very grateful for support.
NOTE - if you - or someone you care about - are in trouble,
seek help.
