Giving space to my anger (written 9-24-18)
is important, as is letting myself feel sadness (one of the pieces that
addresses this written 1-14-18)... I've written a lot about trying - also very
important - it leads to more self-confidence... but I feel like there's one
more piece - acceptance... trying & acceptance are not mutually exclusive.
Acceptance, to me, is about being at
peace with my situation... peace, to me, means saying
"yes, what happened to me
sucks, I'd never have chosen it - I guess you could say it chose me - and right
here, right now, is the life I'm putting together for myself... I don't know
what the future holds - I'll do the best I can with it as it happens... but
here's what I'm trying to create with the MAV (vestibular) & CI (vision
disorder) that I have - much improved from when I was first diagnosed, but
still there..."
I'm tired of getting so frustrated,
so often... maybe if I say "yup, this (name a symptom, limitation) is because
of my invisible disorders - neither of which are my fault - & I'm doing the
best I can to live my life," frustration can become like anxiety -
something I notice, but not something that seeps into my day, then sucks my
energy. My energy needs to be for other
things - the trying, the living now.
