I
was in Leena's room, and she asked me "what?"... surprised, I answered
"I was looking at your curtains, and remembering when I made them... I'm
sad that I can't do that anymore... does that make sense?"... Leena
nodded.
I
feel, sometimes, like everywhere I look there is something that reminds me of
something I used to be able to do... I don't think what I'm dealing with is all
about PTSD Anxiety, though that's real... underneath that, I've been scared to deal
with all kinds of loss, both large and small.
I
feel like I'm the same person I was 7 years ago, and totally different. That's
not being negative, it's reality - there's a big difference. I don' think it's
all about negative thinking - rather, it's time for me to grieve.
I
started vision therapy (VT) 5/13 - 1 year and 8 months after I got sick...
Neurologically that's an incredibly long time... they say when someone has a
stroke, that seconds count... I've made progress in VT - a LOT of progress -
but I still have challenges... getting beyond a certain point in some areas feels
- stubbornly - out of reach.
I
think it's time - before my daughters winter break - for a break from VT - perhaps a
couple of months.. a break that isn't dependent on my daughters' schedule, though
I want to wrap up my VT a bit.
I
don't know what kind of mental health therapy feels right for me right now - I
need to talk with my current therapist, and a couple other people, and find out
what my options are.
I
think I need to deal with this hole in myself, this knot of emotion... I need
to lean into my loss, to find my way...to be able to really look around, and
say "OK, so what have I got?".
Best wishes with this stage. Thank you for continuing to share.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way. There are lots of things I can no longer do and I think about it and miss it so. One thing I can say that vertigo has taught me is think outside the box. For Example, I cant use things that vibrate. I bought a roomba vacuum. I sweep instead of vacuuming. I try to come up with another way that I can do things and if I cant I ask for help.
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