I wrote in my last piece about acceptance. What does it mean for me to keep working at
my rehab, but also work on accepting my situation? Where do I focus my time and energy?
My home therapy/rehab IS a part of my daily life, but the
question is how much I do each day. I
don't want my life to revolve around my rehab.
I know some people who do rehab take this approach, but it doesn't work
for me. I don't want to be constantly in
recovery mode from therapy, and personally, I don't see the point if you're only
focused on that next step. There has to
also be what's happening now. I have to
be living, not just thinking about where I might be able to go. Of course, I also don't want to feel stuck. There's always adjustments, because that's
how brain retraining works. Rehab is not a straight line; there's a natural zig
zag, and that's OK.
So, what can I do? I don't want to feel like I'm moving
through my days meaninglessly - who would?
I have the use of my arms and legs.
I can think. I can see and hear.
I can speak. I'm not going to think
about how any of those abilities are limited in some way by my disorders. That said, when you have limitations, feeling
like you're doing something because you need SOMETHING to do, or that you have
nothing better to do sucks. Taking my
time, because I have ALL the time I could possibly need doesn't feel good. So, again, what are the main things I can do
with my time on a daily basis that give me some kind of fulfillment? What puts joy, enrichment into my life?
Listening
to audio books - I know I can listen to audio books, and
that's a good thing. Getting out of my
own head, and life - call it escapism if you will - is a positive. Books also keep my mind active, keep me
thinking. I'm a bit picky about what I
listen to - Ron would probably say too
picky. But I'm OK with my
selectivity. I want to think, but I
don't want to be depressed. I want
sometimes to be entertained, but not mindlessly. I like good writing. Call me a snob, but I simply can't enjoy a
book that's badly written. I don't have
to relate to the story, but I do want to feel personally drawn in. I want to feel like I WANT to listen to the
book, rather than that I'm just passing time.
Internet
-
for me, this is using Facebook, listening to music, and some e-mail. Though I'm trying to be selective about my FB
usage, I definitely still see FB as an important resource for me. I connect with friends, and get info. I have to make sure there's a balance to my
info in terms of keeping up with the news, but also looking at positive stuff,
and connecting with people. Music is self-explanatory - gotta listen to music
every day. E-mail is mainly
communicating with a handful of people with whom I don't communicate on FB.
Writing
-
OK, this is another computer activity, so I have to think about my pacing. That said, I enjoy writing, and may mix in
writing about other things - say an audio book, or a song - in addition to the
snapshots of my life. Talking about
invisible disorders will always be important to me, but I also want to make
sure I think about, and therefore possibly write about, subjects that aren't
directly about me.
My
flute - I've written about the private flute lessons I used to
give, and I still think about that as a long term goal. But there are a lot of issues to deal with,
and I want to enjoy what I do NOW, rather than solely focusing on something
that may come eventually. I USED to think
that I wanted to wait until I was "camera ready" before making any
more videos. Flute teacher ready. But I don't know when that's going to be, and
I need to do something in the meantime. I've
always said that music is something to be shared, so, I want to see if I can
manage our video camera. I realized that
until I try, I won't know for sure what challenges it presents to record
myself. How much help I'll need. I have no idea how to download from our
camera to my computer. But I think that
giving it a try, putting something out there, seeing what response I get, is
worth a shot.
