I've seen posts saying that
thinking about white privilege shouldn't turn into a conversation that's about
my feelings as opposed to those of my friends who are people of color. But self
examination - thinking about what white privilege means to me - is personal. I
also was part of a short online conversation which got me thinking. There are
really 3 pieces for me - 1) being Jewish, 2) not believing in God, and 3)
having disabilities.
a Humanorah -
Being Jewish puts me in a small
minority - the percentage of the global population that's Jewish is about .2%,
and apparently about 1.2% of that population lives in the states. How I feel
about being Jewish is layered - there's ancestry (which to me is the story of
how my family came to be here, which is complicated), and there's culture.
Culture is different because that involves my Humanistic beliefs. For info on
what being Humanistic means see this link from our congregation - https://www.kolhadash.com/our-beliefs
Being
a Humanistic Jew is, for me, much more about what I DO believe, as opposed to
not believing in God. It's a young
branch of Judaism, however, and I'm well aware that not believing in God puts
me in an even smaller minority. Our congregation is wonderful, as is our rabbi,
but our congregation is small. When I'm interacting with members, I feel good
about my Jewish identity. I wouldn't be part of a congregation if we hadn't
found Humanistic Judaism, but it can be difficult to be part of a very small
minority. The world often feels like it's completely Christian, and there's a presumption
about belief in God. It took me quite a while to be public about being a Humanistic
Jew, though it also felt, and feels, much more authentic.
Lastly,
there's the disabilities thing. I got sick in Sept. of 2011 - literally
overnight - and though I didn't know it then, I became one of millions who have
a disability. I don't, other than wearing colored glasses, look disabled. This
is good and bad. I don't drive, and except for reading very short (a few
sentences) writing, I rely on audio. Thank goodness for the audio feature of
Google Translate! It's difficult to have disabilities. I don't complain about
it, but I certainly don't like it. I try to make the best of my situation.
People
are not completely comfortable with those who are disabled. I've run into much
advice giving, trying to fix my problems. I know they are well intended, but
it's also about not wanting to acknowledge my reality. There's always - I
believe - a discomfort. My disabilities are not contagious, but there's still a
feeling, I believe, of "what if this happened to me." This is not
entirely unreasonable. I had no warning that I would get sick. When I hear
people say "can you imagine if your life changed all of a sudden?" I
think "I don't have to imagine that, because for me, it did.".
So
in the end, if I'm going to be honest, I'm grateful that I'm white for one
simple reason - it makes my life, and identity simpler, easier. I've wondered
how I'd feel right now if having disabilities wasn't part of my picture, but ultimately
that feels foolish, because I DO have disabilities. Having disabilities is as
much a part of who I am as being a Humanistic Jew. Neither is ALL of who I am, but both are important. Acknowledging
the fact that being white makes my life easier, and that I'm grateful for that, is
human. It doesn't mean I can't empathize for the people of color whom I care
about, for whatever struggles or hardships they face because they are people of
color.
