When we had to put Goldy
down five and a half years ago (wow, hard to believe), it was after taking good
care of him as his health deteriorated due to liver cancer. It was very
difficult to say goodbye, but we did - our vet was wonderful.
Maisy
One month later, we
found - or rather, Maisy found Leena, at our local pet shelter. We still had
Cosmo, my 12 1/2 year old baby boy. We also now have Molly.
Cosmo
Whether it's the loss of
a family member, a friend or a pet, loss is never easy. But we go through the
process of saying goodbye. I've thought about this process a lot lately, in
terms of my health situation.
Molly
I've shed plenty of
tears, and have shared some of my moments of sadness through my writing. But
loss due to chronic conditions/disorders is very different than losing a loved
one. While there are moments throughout each day that remind me of my various
disorders, there's no definite ending.
I know that while Goldy
is dead, I am not. I am very much alive. I am changed, but I'm alive. I am
angry about what happened to me, but I am here. I'm angry at some doctors who
did not do right by me, for whatever the reason. I need to give my anger space
to breathe when I feel it, just as I do my sadness. But I also need to give
space to everything else I feel.
I need to live my life
always thinking about my disorders, making choices due to them, each and every
day. But I still need to live my life. And I need to really see, hear, live the
person I am, who is still here. At my core, that person was there eight years
ago, and is still here. I need to pay attention to that person I am, who
continues to grow, to be.