I've written a lot more
about vision therapy, than Feldenkrais, but Feldenkrais is really important.
Feldenkrais - awareness through movement - was developed by Moshe Feldenkrais.
A brilliant, fascinating man. I'm
fortunate to work with the practitioner whose first teacher actually knew Mr.
Feldenkrais.
Another thing about
Feldenkrais that's helpful, in addition to the obvious help with my balance, is
that Joyce is very present focused. This is not to say that we don't ever discuss
goals - I've talked with her about becoming more independent, doing more for
myself, and she's always quick to cheer me on. But there's also a sense of
"what do I have going for me NOW?".
This perspective is
something I really struggle with. I thought about it even in terms of the last
piece I posted, in which I talked about my reading. I know I should be cheering
myself on - that I re-approached reading a book, brought one to vision therapy.
But if I'm going to be honest, part of me also thinks "God, this is
pathetic, just one stinking paragraph?! Really?!"
One reason I can write
this blog is that reading my own writing is easier, because comprehension is
much easier. I have the words in my head
before they're in front of me, and then I know what I have written. How much of
someone else's words I'll be able to read someday? I have no idea. When I have
some idea of what's being said - whether because someone's already told me, or
because I know what the topic is - that helps.
Feeling frustrated and disappointed
about my limitations is very hard. And then I remind myself of two things -
Self compassion, and acceptance.
Whenever I try to do
something that is now challenging, difficult for me, I need be proud of myself
for trying. It's so unhelpful when I
only feel bad about not being able to do as much as I would like. As much as I
used to be able to do.
There's so often a
feeling that something's missing, that I should be doing more. That things
should be better.
But when do I step back, and say, as if I'm my own best friend
"hey, look what you've done -
you've reached out to friends
more,
you're going to the DORS
orientation - Christina's right, you would never have done that last year,
you've checked out some
volunteer opportunities on your own
you and Ron are following
through on some possible home projects, to make actual decisions
you're going to meet
with two people you've never met before, at the library, to talk about some
kind of possible writing coaching one of them may be willing to do with you
You're managing your
household - that's a LOT by the way, and you couldn't do nearly as much as you
do now, even two years ago!
Come on Tamar, you
didn't ask for your disorders - I mean, really, who the hell would?! - and look
what you're doing!"
"Maybe your life
will get better than it is now, maybe not - you don't know... you don't know
what the future holds... but give yourself credit for where you've gotten
yourself! And let yourself enjoy what you have, right now"
