During the last eight
years, I've had multiple consultations with medical professionals, and have
been tested, all in a quest for answers, for diagnoses. Fortunately, I've
gotten lots of info. Treatment for these diagnoses has been both meds, and
various therapies. Take a look at "My story in a nutshell".
One of my diagnoses is
convergence insufficiency - a vision disorder, diagnosed by my developmental
optometrist, Dr. Margolis. I just recently saw him for a progress report, and he
could see from how I handled his examination of me, that though I'm by no means
back at square one, there has been regression from my recent setback. This
didn't surprise me.
He's determined to try
to still find ways to help me. He wants to try using yoke prism lenses to see
if that helps my peripheral vision. I gave back the green syntonic filter lens
glasses. The benefit of the green unfortunately fights against visual
distortion that comes with wearing the glasses, so I don't have a net gain. He
agreed this was unacceptable, but isn't giving up yet. I'll see when I have my
next vision therapy session in November, what I do with Ann.
I next see Dr. Margolis
in January, so I'll see how the next two months in vision therapy unfold. I want to remain open - in general, not just in VT - to possibility,
to an opportunity that may present itself, that I have the capacity to explore.
But there's this sense
in me, this inner voice that is saying "yes, see how these two months
go... but don't be waiting on these two months like something amazing is going
to happen... it's time for acceptance…". I know there comes a time when I
need to say to my medical team "Enough. It's time for maintenance, and for
me to see what my life looks like."
A time for me to accept, and make the best of the circumstances I have.
So I'm asking myself
what I know, and what I have, right now -
Some realities -
I have disabilities -
that's simply a fact, and not one that's going to change.
I need to pace myself -
depending on how I'm doing, the pacing may vary – right now I have to be more
careful than when I am not recovering from a setback. But I always, always have
to pace myself.
I have to limit my
screen time – this is difficult, and can be really frustrating in this
high-tech era, but is very necessary.
Some positives -
Take pleasure in my
pets,
be grateful for being
able to play simply listening to myself on my flute, and on our piano keyboard.
Enjoy having houseplants
- here's a picture of our aloe plant, much happier in its' new pot :-)
Be grateful I have so
much audio material I can listen to.
Enjoy, and be grateful
for every phone call with friends or family. And any time I can spend in person
with friends or family.
Be grateful that I am
physically able enough to do enough household management that Ron and I can
stay in our house.
Certainly grateful that
we can manage our finances sufficiently to be able to stay in our house.
We got a postcard from
my daughter who is in Scotland. If it had been any longer, or her handwriting
not as neat, I could not have read it myself. I had to read it more than once,
but I was able to.
When I was done, I
thought to myself how much perspective matters. I can be angry and frustrated
at how little I can read, or I can be grateful in the moment, that I was able
to read her postcard. Yes, I needed to take a break after reading it, but I was
able to read it myself.
