September 9, 2021 - One decade... be present.

It’s been a decade since I got sick. I didn’t know then, that night, that my life was dramatically changed. I’ve done therapies, and they’ve...

July 12th, 2018 Self-compassion, work/effort, and live in the present...


Sometimes when one of my therapists says "you've been working so hard" I feel a prick of self-doubt... I've told myself that I don't need to be the perfect rehab patient, but still - "have I worked hard?  Could I have done better?"

Here's what I said to myself -

"You're human, fallible... you KNOW no rehab is a straight line... ALL of your online friends have had bumps and twists and turns just like you... so have you done the best you could with what you had at the time, MOST of the time?
Yes... and here's the kicker - if you HAD had the perfect rehab experience, would you be in a different place?  maybe, but maybe not... there's no way to know... 
What you DO know is that it's not accurate to say that you definitely would be in a better place if you'd done a "better" job at rehab - whatever "better" really means... AND it's not helpful...
What IS helpful is the present moment, because that's what you know."

It's ALSO helpful for me to realize
1) how incredibly hard I can be on myself.

2) that the depression I fell into made me feel like I could NOT do better, like "what's the point?" which fed right into my Anxiety/PTSD.

Time for some self-compassion...  maybe coupled with the clarity I'm gaining, and the work I'm actually doing, I'll see how far I CAN go.
In the present, I ALSO want to enjoy what I have now... pets and all.




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July 7th 2018 Awareness, owning, channeling emotional energy...


My mom emailed me, telling me she'd read through my June blog posts, and asking me why all the self-blame re my illness... her words -

"... why do you blame yourself for getting sick, for crappy doctors who didn’t diagnose you?"

It's a good question, so I thought about it, and here's what I realized -

1) My health issues impact not just my life, but my husband Ron's, and my daughters' as well, which is sad, lousy, etc., but that STILL doesn't make it my fault. 


I would NEVER wish my health problems - vestibular migraine, and a vision disorder - on anyone, and sure as hell would never CHOOSE them for myself!  The very idea is preposterous.

It's valid for me to be angry - REALLY angry - that I didn't get diagnosed (and treated) fast enough... It's valid for me to be incredibly frustrated about my limitations, and really sad... I'll never know for sure how much better off I'd be if things had been different, but I'm pretty sure I've paid a high price.

I need to OWN all these feelings... but at some point I need to put all that emotional energy into healing, doing the best I can with what I have NOW... that's what ALL my therapists would want.


2) When I'm really tired, or trying something a little bit different or new, my Anxiety gets triggered - I'm more likely to go down my frustrated-which-turns-into-self-blaming, negative, anxious, "uh oh, am I gonna have a set-back?" etc. road... the uh-oh, set-back Anxiety/PTSD is never very far away... 

So I need to breathe, do the self calming sensory stuff that Joyce has taught me, think about everything I've accomplished - what I've actually done THAT DAY, and keep going... yes, keep going...


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July 3rd, 2018 My reminders - what they mean to me...















The pics you see are what I see, when I'm sitting listening to audio books... there's also (not pictured) a desk with my Talking Books audio player, my iPad, some photos, and a desk with my computer.

The big sign is the newest... I wanted reminders... here's what they mean to me -

1) Breathe - is my breathing too shallow, tight? Time for diaphragmatic/belly breathing.

2) looking soft is a reminder re my vision disorder -taking in my periphery, not getting tunnel vision - unless of course it's appropriate.

3) small pieces - each bit builds on another.

4) celebrate EVERY success  - no matter how small - I'm working on giving myself credit.

5) do the best you can in THIS moment - do the best with what I have right now.. my physical and/or emotional well-being, info, experience in the moment... Thinking this way, feeling centered in the moment, is definitely a work in progress for me.

6) keep going, trying - this is really hard... I'm trying, could be something small, but feels tough - to tell myself "OK, you're going to try...".

Writing this piece, I realized how much I over-think, over-analyze, and judge myself. I need one more reminder, in a special spot all its' own - it will read -
"Be patient, compassionate with yourself". 

Here's a definition of compassion -
"sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others" -
so having self-compassion is basically concern for your own suffering and, hopefully, healing.

Photo credit - Ron


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