September 9, 2021 - One decade... be present.

It’s been a decade since I got sick. I didn’t know then, that night, that my life was dramatically changed. I’ve done therapies, and they’ve...

June 10th, 2018 Small successes....

By | Published Monday, June 11, 2018


I decided to share another "Positives List," giving examples of small successes... A reminder to myself, AND others, that these count -

1) unloading more of the dishwasher at a time, before sitting down to visually and vestibularly reorganize...

2) laying out my meds, and doing the math when I'm splitting pills to use them up...

3) talking while washing a pot...

4) putting away groceries with my new shoes on...

5) talking with my daughter while she's walking around, moving...

6) actually watching a music vid on YT instead of only listening...

7) editing, and adding numbers to this list

8) Helping my daughter with a sorting/organizing project

9) catching myself when I ruminate, and adjusting my thoughts, when something goes wrong - like when I gave myself a minor cut on my finger from a cat food can... Ruminating is a tough one, but Christina says that if I catch myself sooner than I might have before, it counts...

10) - putting together this list! 10 items :-)

Leave a comment

June 8th, 2018 Thinking back, and moving forward....

By | Published Friday, June 8, 2018


I saw an otoneurologist in July of 2012, and searching for him online now, I see that he'd only been in practice for 2 years, which may explain some things.

The positives - he correctly diagnosed that I still had BPPV -benign paroxysmal positional vertigo - despite having been treated by my former PT, Janet... he gave me a DVD with precise instructions on how to do the Epley maneuver... as he said, it took 2 weeks to correct.

He accurately diagnosed vertiginous migraine (VM), or migraine associated vertigo (MAV)... I had to do a full battery of tests (VERY difficult for me) because this diagnosis can only be reached by ruling out other vestibular problems.

The negatives - I know he meant well, but he put me on some supplements which turned out to be damaging to my liver, though thankfully my liver recovered - though full recovery took 9 months.

He said nothing about a migraine diet... there was a brief note at the bottom of the visit summary I received, but I had to find out on my own (with some help from my mother) about food triggers... I have a great many food triggers, and following a migraine diet helped me significantly.

another frustration - he said nothing to me about vision when I saw him...


Anyway, as I think back on my experience with this otoneurologist I saw, and other experiences I've written about in this blog, I have a choice to make - to hang on to anger, frustration, etc. about what didn't go right, OR I can think about what DID go right, and that what I have control over is to move forward, with the knowledge, and medical team I have now...

I have to make a conscious choice towards as much recovery as is possible for me.


Leave a comment

June 1st, 2018 another memory- an attempted outing gone wrong, & self-forgiveness

By | Published Friday, June 1, 2018


I thought about whether to write about this... this memory that I think I flashback on because it was an attempted outing with my daughters that turned into something painful... so here it is... from my first year of illness... possibly the Fall...

I remember going to the library with the girls to see a Harry Potter movie - don't remember which one - and struggling to watch... I finally gave up and went into the main part of the library... I think I got something out, but I don't remember what... I mostly remember sitting and feeling miserable, and feeling miserable and anxious about how I felt...  I was seeing Janet (PT)* at the time, who'd given me some lame advice that did NOT help... why did I stay with her as long as I did?  Because I trusted her, and didn't know what else to do... she presented herself as a knowledgeable expert - so ridiculous to think that now... but I was SO sick, and SO clueless about what was going on!

So, can I forgive myself for making mistakes?  Ultimately, it shouldn't have mattered that I made mistakes, the medical people I saw should have known better, or spoken up and acknowledged when they didn't... did Janet tell me to see someone I didn't?  I'm not sure... it's all fuzzy now... so I guess I need to forgive myself for my mistakes... "Yes, Tamar, you were VERY sick, and certainly not capable of making good decisions or choices..."  I hadn't learned yet how I would need to advocate for myself... it was all so complicated... if I'd had a severe, but known thing like a stroke or heart attack, what then?  But I didn't...

I know SO much better now... and am working with good people...
*NOTE- For the record, I do NOT believe every physical therapist is like Janet... there are some excellent ones...

Leave a comment
© 2014 - 2019 Tamar Schwartz, Visible Person Invisible Problem (VPIP). Powered by Blogger.

Search

Swedish Greys - a WordPress theme from Nordic Themepark. Converted by LiteThemes.com.