So here I go with my goal:
I want to play sheet music again. For
me, this is a simple, but complicated statement. There's SO much wonderful music out there,
and I really want to be able to PLAY it, bring some of it to life. Sheet music is, however, a big
challenge.
All kinds of multi-tasking:
Comprehension which requires
processing the musical notes as well as the rhythms, tracking, figure ground
(notes on the staff). There are also
multiple physical elements; moving my fingers, controlling my breathing,
holding my arms in the correct position, sitting or standing properly, over all
body posture/position, and using my tongue and lips.
Mentioning my tongue and
lips may sound strange, but musicians who play wind instruments may use their
tongues quite a bit. Tonguing is how I
produce staccato notes, or simply separate one note from another. Flute playing involves an unnatural
position, or posture. In a way, I'm used
to the less natural position playing my flute requires. However, I want to avoid physical problems
now, so I'm trying to make changes, to make it work, after 40 years!
All these elements
involved in playing sheet music make it feel like a big challenge. A year and a half ago, I tried going too
fast, and got frustrated and discouraged.
But not trying at all gets me nowhere.
I need to revisit it, because eventually I want to conquer this goal,
master it! So, I need to break down, and
piece together all those elements I've mentioned. That's what Ann and Joyce often do; break
movement, visual tasks, etc. down to manageable levels, and then build from
there. I can discuss with them what I
figure out is or isn't working, and they can help me understand.
I took out the John Denver
songbook I purchased last year, and using my finger, tracked through the
seemingly simple song For Baby, For Bobby.
It's always fascinating to me to see what a piece of music I've heard,
looks like on paper. I tend to use
another system - whether my finger, or audio (my own voice) - to help with
tracking, guidance. Clearly, this needs
to change in order for me to play my flute while reading sheet music.
Right now it feels like
there's a missing connection, a missing link between reading the sheet music,
and playing my flute. I can play my
flute, whether freestyle, or on good days a short melody from memory. I can now read through some simple sheet
music. And yes, I had to take a break,
and get reorganized, but I did it. So I've made progress. But putting the two together - playing AND
sheet music - just doesn't work, yet. I
get brain jam, or off balance, or both.
Too much to process.
I think about other creative hand/eye activities I do
now, and compare to my flute, to try to figure things out. Puzzle out what I need to work on.
Writing requires
my computer. This means using the
keyboard, switching my gaze from the keyboard to the screen (though I do touch
type), looking at the screen which always has SOME movement (almost
undetectable, but there), and of course thinking.
Playing our piano keyboard is different from writing OR flute
playing. The position is more like
writing. Looking at the keyboard is a
visual exercise of sorts - the stripes of the keyboard, and hand-eye
coordination. The keyboard is not nearly
as well known to me as the keys of a flute, but doesn't feel like a total
stranger. Find Middle C and go from
there. Don't worry about sheet music; I
never knew how to read Bass Clef, and I'm not interested in that now. I just
want to make some music, and I'm finding I enjoy it.
I've done a couple drawings, using colored pencils on
cheap drawing paper. It fascinates me to
see the different designs and colors I created. It's a good visual exercise, as
different colors and shapes emerge on paper, AND a bit of an emotional outlet
for a few minutes. I've got to tackle
sharpening the pencils (not every day), which is also visual; holding the
pencil sharpener, putting the pencil in and turning it.
Getting back to my flute. I
think the key word when it comes to sheet music is "eventually." Because of the complexity of the task,
playing sheet music - as opposed to only reading through it, or playing my
flute without using sheet music - is not something that I'll achieve in days or
weeks. Understanding all the pieces is
important; I can't work towards this goal without that knowledge. There's a positive side to having such a
complex, big challenge. I believe that all the work involved in being able to PLAY
sheet music will mean more than just that.
I will have made a great deal of progress, tied a lot of pieces
together, when I've accomplished this goal.
For now, I need patience and persistence... patience and persistence.
