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I've been feeling the weight of my invisible disorders -
MAV and vision - lately, and wishing I could improve, make progress just a bit
faster. As important as it is for me to focus on the
positive, sometimes it's really hard to DO that. I decided, in light of this, that it would be
a good time to remind myself of some things I can do, any improvements I've
made. The last time I did this was at the
end of July, and eight months is enough time to see what's going on.
Some of the items on this list may surprise people -
surprise them that I'd put them on this list - but I'm doing it because I want
people to understand some of the challenges, and ways in which I mark progress.
Finally, some of what I list here are areas I am still
working on, but I am trying to focus on improvements or accomplishments.
1) I recovered from a set-back... this definitely counts
as an accomplishment.
2) I'm doing more therapy at home.
Some of the exercises were begun as a result of my
set-back, to help me to recover, but regardless of the reason, it's good. I keep doing them in order to continue to
improve, and on the theory that my efforts will help prevent another
significant setback.
3) When I do something challenging, sometimes my recovery
is faster - that's positive.
4) I can turn my head from side to side more easily, and
in general, head movements are getting a bit easier.
5) I can sit for longer periods of time with my eyes
closed.
6) I am back to playing my flute more than once a day.
7) I can listen to more music, more songs.
8) I am able to do some private messaging on FB.
9) I am slowly improving with some multitasking - for
example, washing a pot while waiting for something to cook on the stove.
10) I wear my glasses more while on the computer.
I noted recently when I was feeling tense, that
acknowledging the tension was what allowed me to move through it. Some of my tension comes, I think, from wanting
to do things, meet my responsibilities, and basically ignore my vision and MAV
disorders. Wanting doesn't make it so,
and ignoring my reality doesn't work. Ultimately
there's a balance in allowing myself to feel, giving space for my emotions, but
not completely succumbing to my sadness and frustration. Recognizing the negatives is necessary; what
I can't do, or feeling badly because I think I'm letting someone down by not
being able to do something. But
recognizing anything positive is necessary as well.
So I took a look at the calendar for the month of
April. Due to the holiday of Passover,
I've got a couple bigger events - our congregation's annual Passover Seder, my
mother's Passover Seder - to attend. I
will also have the opportunity to see my younger daughter's artwork on display
at one of our park district facilities.
I'm going to a Youth Education Comm. meeting, which will also be
attended by members of the Membership Comm.
All of these events are opportunities for social connections, and the
YEC meeting is a chance to contribute.
I'll also hopefully have a chance to talk to a couple friends by
phone.
Finally, I'll listen to music every day, play my flute, write,
listen to audio material, and enjoy walking our dog in lovely weather (when we
get it). My life has changed radically,
and sometimes it's not the big picture (events like a Seder), but rather the
little ones, as I keep moving through each day, that matter.
